Updated: Mar 27
From the second we open up our eyes to the world, we begin digesting what we see. The things we love, what makes us sad and everything that causes us any fear. I can hear the gasp! Fears. Our emotional or physical reaction to a scene that seems dangerous to us. Having fears and being afraid is of course, inevitable. It is a reflex that we can never see coming. But what counts is how we control it.
Fear of failure (atychiphobia), can actually hold us back from doing whatever It takes to get us to where we want to be. We start to lose the motivation that once got us to begin our journey. Every single step starts to look exhausting and senseless. Just like how we should have an elimination system for many things in life, our fears are no different. Understanding the reasons that they are based on and making a connection with dots will get us to a place where the fear is much easier to cope with.
People often have to go through some stages when deciding on whether to jump on to something. ''Should I just go for it?'' ''Can I even do it?'' or ''What If I fail?''. Fear of failure is not something that only happens to a small majority. But that type of dialogue we expose ourselves to can turn into the most dangerous trap. The questioning of what might happen If we decide to try is an ongoing cycle. The key point is that we can never know before we do actually try. The urge to see the future from where we stand is not abnormal. But the fact that we need to learn how to live with uncertainty is what we should pay attention to.
Why do I have this type of fear?
1. Take a closer look at your childhood and past
Our childhood shapes us like we are dough. We feel every single type of feeling for the first time. So the way we face it has a lot of meaning in our adulthood. We tend to hold on to those thoughts because that is all we have ever known. There might be this underlying problem about fear of failure in the depths of your unconscious. And understanding the roots of a problem is the first and the most effective way to solve it.
When we understand the roots of our fear of failure, we can normalize it. Human nature has this urge to know where things come from. When we know the reason ''Why?'' we get to control it much better. And even facing it is much easier with the knowledge of the past.
2.Your self-esteem and pride
The way we see ourselves is the most important thing in our lives. Our relationship with others is actually a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. We tend to carry our pride as If It's a trophy. We try to restrain from any cause of effect that might harm it. But why do we see our pride as If It's that vulnerable? Why do we approach It like It's too fragile? The way we connect with the feeling of pride tells so much about us. Pride is a humanly thing. But It's the way you let your pride talk to you that counts.
Pride is a heavy reminder of our fears. So If we see It as a must have,we make our fear of failure destructive. We turn into something that can slow us down. Or maybe stop us completely. We should take our pride and place It in a corner of our mind that doesn't have a negative effect on us.
3.The quality of your support system
They say that you're the combination of the five people who are closest to you. Choosing the people around you wisely is the best thing you can do to yourself. Don't forget that some people cause and harvest fear and some calm them down. Having a good support system with you when you're going to jump in to something is very helpful. But having the opposite of that may be causing you doubt and fear. Not having genuine people to confide in when you're having problems is already bad enough. But If you already have a negative circle of friends around you, that might be the root of some of your fears doubts.
4.The need to satisfy others
We all have this tendency to make other people proud and prove ourselves to them. That is just as normal as having pride within you. But you have to think of It as a matter of worth. Does It really matter? Can you make everyone happy at the same time? I'm so sorry, you can't. You will never be able to. And that is fine. As long as you've done your best. You can't live on other people's expectation of you. And If you do, that thing you want to accomplish isn't even going to be yours at the end. Fear of failure might be creeping up to you because of that. Do you have anyone you are desperate to please? Understand the essence of that problem.
We all have our own definition of normal. A circle of peace we find within what's familiar to us. It makes us feel safe and sound. It doesn't have outside effects that cause us to overthink or to analyze. That's what we call a comfort zone. It always looks too less traveled,right? But just plain and unsatisfying at the same time. When we are in the comfort zone, the outside world feels like a battlefield. With countless possibilities of harm. So taking a step out of it feels terrifying. When we are so wrapped up in things we can already do,the fear of failure comes to make us think that we can never do anything other than them. Something brand new can feel shiny and scary at the same time. But we shouldn't forget the sparks flying just because we have this flicker of doubt. Stepping out of that comfort zone leads to growth and learning. And that is actually much more than success.
What If I Fail?
All humans have one thing in common. The need to feel successful. The type of power we seek in order to feel self validation. So the opposite outcome feels too close and alarming. It leads us to think as If we are not enough to have what we want. The truth is that there's always going to be a possibility of an opposite outcome. It won't always be rainbows and sunshine. And that is fine. What counts is what you choose to take from it. Just like every situation in life, you get to keep what you choose to keep. Are you going to wipe out that path that brought you here? Just like that? Easily and wastefully? Or are you going to take that lesson and find that fresh point of view in your life?
''It's the journey,not the destination.''
If what you love is the journey and everything you experience during the process, you won't be that hesitant to fail. At the end of they It is the most satisfying to say, ''Well, that was a ride!'' than to say ''Oh no, It didn't work out.'' No one can guarantee that It will. But you can guarantee yourself that the path you took to go there will be the best experience of your life. It is something you choose to feel, not something you will simply feel at the end.
Enjoying every single lesson along the way will get you to appreciate yourself more when you cross that finish line. Even when you simply couldn't, there will be a million reasons to say, ''You know what? It was worth it.''
Productivity Tips To Use When Dealing With Fear Of Failure
Life is defined by the things that matter to you the most. Having a good understanding of yourself and priorities is going to lead you to see things more clearly. Is there a task that no longer get your feet ready to run? Getting out of that enviroment is never something you should regret. Walking away from things that no longer make you happy is the path you should take to bring yourself light. What is the first thing that comes up to your mind when you define happiness? When you prioritize what you need to do in order to get what you want you might feel lighter and less stressful. It will help you with the fear of failure by getting things done step by step.
A clear mind can never form itself in a messy enviroment. That pile of clothes and the dirty glasses you still hadn’t put away can make your inner self feel all over the place. Having a blank space to go and breathe can make you feel much lighter. Feeling lighter can help you see your life in a different point of view. It can help you think better and more logical. Getting to know yourself and your unconscious thought can let you have the assurance to improve your life. Decluttering what's around you will help you break those walls around you that your fear of failure built.
3.Use A Planner
Writing the tasks you need to do is a great way to see them organized and not scary. When you write it down throughout that page with seven boxes, It starts to look doable. As we talked about before, prioritizing is very important. Smaller the tasks are, the feeling of accomplishment gets bigger everytime. Try to divide your work and tasks into that week. Using a planner means that you get to cross off the task when you're done with it. That is an amazing psychological move. That pen blackening that sentence will make you feel accomplished everytime you do it. And ease up your fear of failure as you go.
Build Your Own Mental Oasis In Your Mind
Our belief system is what keeps us going. It convinces our minds to go on or stop the movement. Sounds like basic mechanics,right? A belief system is formed by the things we choose to comprehend and value. In a physical world, It would have looked like a factory we start building from the moment that we are born. And that factory's number one rule is to choose which of your thoughts you're going to hold on to wisely. Understanding that fears are normal will lead you to think that you can face and overcome them. Not choosing fear as a leader to follow will actually soften up the obstacles you might face during your path to your desire.
Do we give our fears the power that they should not have? Do we let them control our lives? That is where our belief system comes to rescue. Mindfulness during the creation of a belief system is highly important. It tells us that being aware of the thoughts that come to your mind and owning them are very different things.
Journal To Dig Deeper
We already talked about being aware of our thoughts but choosing the ones we keep with caution. In order to have this type of information, we have to spend time with these thoughts. And what can make us look at them in the eye in the 3-D world? A paragraph full of words of our own in the most familiar handwriting font possible?
Journaling is a great way to spend one-on-one time with yourself. Writing is a great habit to have If you're looking to dig deeper in your mind. Sometimes It is not about what you're thinking. It is about the reason behind that thought. Fears are no different. Going on a trip in the depths of your mind will help you see yourself in a way where you hadn't seen before.
Giving yourself that journaling time, even for just a few minutes everyday will help you digest your inner thinker immensely. When you see the meaning behind that fear of failure, It will help you cope with it better. And being exposed to that bigger picture can actually teach you to take the fear off the pedestal and turn it into a thought that you don't choose to keep.
Meditation For A Fresh Scenery
Building a safe belief system comes from a grounded mind. Fear of failure is often tempted by the mistakes that were done in the past. The past that we should never choose to live in the present. Meditation helps you learn to stay in that moment and to not let past burdens get to you. To clear your mind off of past life's dust is to open up a clean window that leads you to the best version of yourself. And to achieve that type of mindset comes from normalizing the way you feel. But the key point here, is to not act upon the fears. Meditation helps you calm those impulsive and intrusive thoughts down. It clears the space off of self-destructivity.
Mastering your breathing is one of the most important parts of meditation. Paying attention to it helps you stay in the present moment and calm any misleading thought. Making it a constant habit that you apply to your day-to-day life won't only give you time to spend time with yourself. It will help you look after yourself.Be your own caretaker. Think of your inner self as a baby that needs love to become the best version they can be. And It needs time to relax and rest at times. Having that time of the day where you wind down is so important. Where It’s only you and what you are doing.
Approach The Process Slower
If stepping out of your comfort zone feels to heavy to deal with right now,you can prioritize. Start from small and then think of big. What are the smaller things you can try to accomplish to get to where you want? Map out the road before you hit the gas. What are the things you have to learn? Getting a good understanding of what you need to know is a great way to soften up a fear. As we just said, focusing on the path and everything that It might bring is much lighter than focusing on the end.
Understand That You Are Not Alone
Sometimes life feels like It’s only happening to you. We tend to label scenarios into thinking that It’s only something we deal with. We cry out ‘’Why me?’’ while putting on a playlist that lists out the reasons we are not enough. But the real secret is that It happens to the best of us. Even the ones you think are a rock or a force to be reckoned with. They were afraid to fail too. I bet that they are all still are!This type of emotion can make us believe that there is something wrong with just us. Feeling lonely when experiencing this type of way can affect our coping process and make us spiral. Understanding that It happens to everyone will make you understand that the situation is temporary.
Face the fear anyway
The last thing you have to when you're coping with fear of failure is to face it. Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and jump in to the unknown. It is tough and alarming. But facing the fear is the only direct way to beat it. You are going to understand that It doesn't actually define you. You will learn that even failure is just a lesson you need to take. And even If your fear of failure comes true, It will show you that It's not heavy as you once thought It would be.
Our fears are not something to escape. They are not hunters who hunt us down until they find us. They are not things that must be destroyed. They are normal human emotions that we need to learn how to live with. Just like how we need to learn how to live with uncertainty. But the bravery that facing your fears takes, and finding it within you is the best thing you can accomplish. So let's recognize how we are feeling and try to investigate how to turn things around for ourselves!
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